Good evening dears! So! 5:30 AM it was! As promised an early start. Body against Mind 1:1!!!! Though honestly I was not the happiest girl about that. I mean it was pitch dark and actually I wanted!! to stay in my dream!!!!! (I guess I prefer dreams and not that bird-worm thing) I can’t remember the details, something about Sex and who wants to leave THAT dreamland ever??!! Na ja, … Anyhow. So today I transformed from Pirate to Zombie! I start to get the feeling this Blog could be the beginning for a Splatter Movie Script… So yeah, pitch dark and in wondering land. BUT I also remembered to set myself a “topic” for todays entry (let’s see how that goes…) Well topic is maybe the wrong word, cause at the end of the day it is about taking it day by day, and actually who can plan the night before on how to feel in the morning?! I am super often confused where the shape or tonality on starting a day comes from. So let’s start: When I woke up I felt super confused and kind of lost. I mean I had to leave my dream!!!! And that is to that. But then I found three things to hold on to. Well, actually more than three, but.., let’s start with those three:
While I was taking a shower, my gaze “crossed” my left arm, and my tattoo. Some might know it but here is the text for those who don’t: Desire describes a way of replacing knowledge with hope. There is a paradoxical kind of freedom in not needing to know what we want, while knowing that one wants. Those words are for me a reminder but the meaning and emotion connected to them changes, for today the words calmed me down and reminded me that we are not alone in and out there. (And to do some exercise!)
A Venus Babe, well in my case My Venus Babe. I observed her for a very long time (I mean being sleep deprived has the potential for starring at something for a VERY long time) and from lost I transformed into mesmerised. To go back in time, I found her on a shelf next to the Exit, she was so super tiny and fragile and I fell for her! To be honest she also “scares” me from time to time, … When I got her she was sleeping in my bedroom and I had crazy nightmares about her, she was growing so big and was super hungry and then,… she ate me. I know, thats probably on: Too much Horror Movie (AGAIN!!) Intake!! Deep down I know, she is neither evil or good. And the nightmare is definitely on me. So once I brought her home, I found this amazing glass for her (Unfortunately without” holes”). Then I figured it would be good to check in on her needs. And it turns out she wants to be independent and drink whenever she feels like it (LOVED her even more!!) And yeah, now it’s still a process on creating her the perfect! house, but at least her current house has holes. So, Where was I again? Ah ja: On holding on to something. So that’s to her, or better to you, my lovely Venus (trap).
Trockentraining. So as you probably know by now (for today Zombie)-Me is working on this ejaculating piece. I decided to do my wet training end of the weekend and my Trockentraining today. So HALLO Buch, but also HALLO Zombie, reading went “quite well” until I couldn’t stop looking at my socks. So I started a Dialogue with them, and discussed the topics on female ejaculation (the book is an easy read, german only, tells the “history” of female ejaculation and at what point it became “nameless” and therefor “did not exist”) with them. NO WORRIES I also talked to my toes before C!!! That was one of those nights: I was on the couch, reading (Hm, I might have to get into that topic too!! Connection between reading and dialogues with toes and socks, deserves MAYBE NO?! entry) until my big toe was calling for attention. So after a while I gave them they attention they deserve, all of them. I mean how often do you look down and say thanks dear toes, you are so beautiful, not so often, no?!
Back to the my Trockentraining and the socks. But what was that all about? I lost myself again, ah ja but wasn’t that the topic of today anyway? On losing yourself and something to hold on too. I guess yes.
So now you have to excuse me, I want to and will continue to lose myself within pieces and writings by Annie Sprinkle, Shannon Bell, Deborah Sundahl and all the other amazing women that will cross my way tonight…