Good and lovely evening or day! My high confidence transformed to low this morning when my eye hobby got worse. Well I should know the process, for now, and YESS I DO (dear body I know, can we please now recover??!!) but yeah: waiting, patience (don't have so much of that), warming, massages, bla bla, … AND honestly today I just feel like shouting out loud: FUCK THAT!!!!! (And I did while hitting a pillow) Yeah fuck that, since the last 6 weeks my body is constantly full of surprises, but not only in joyful ways. Probably started with a torn ligament 2 months ago, cause since then body is wild and makes me hop from A to B to figure out how to puzzle her together (Maybe body has Attention Problems?? If so, here is an official I LOVE YOU Body statement). I hope she sees and feels that. Today I just felt like I want to go to sleep and only want to wake up when all the parts are recovered. Yeah, and if it would be only connected to 46 seconds or less that wish would be great if it came true, other than that I will NOT do so, cause I don't want to sleep life away. ( Dramatico she is today, you might think.)
Sooooooo first of all Thanks! beloved readers for getting through my first paragraph of complaining. Now to the positive parts within this body-journey: starting to feel specific areas and honouring body parts and the whole. So many tiny problems become irrelevant, because you know you have to take care about body (and mind). So before writing today, I was in the middle of drawing a map on my Body from Toe to Scheitel. Why? To remind me what I CAN be grateful about. And fuck yeah, there are only 3 pink marker gaps (two eyes and 1 ankle), everywhere else are now hearts and smileys. So yeah, a reminder to look and feel and acknowledge the pain, but also to be grateful and honouring the healthy, non- aching parts, where there is no pain, where there is pleasure!
So why the calculator in front you might ask? Because it’s pretty!!! Yeah it is!!! But actually NOOOO, I decided, since I don’t feel good anyway I can finish my taxes (And I did!!-Fuck yeah. ) Because who wants to deal with THAT when fully recovered??!! Me NOT. And the 6 for me being an AntiC?! Maybe, but for today just my “mantra” (6-always was and still is my lucky number!)
SO yasss, besides of that, I masturbated A LOT!!!! Hands still okay!!! But yeah I had to go to the ER once cause I couldn't move my hand anymore, because of too much pleasure action, na ja...) Hopes were high I could make the eye-sebaceous-glands explode. No luck for now, and actually (now that I think about it) I DON'T WANT THAT in this context. So yeah, but joy and pleasure for mind and body. AND THAT is more than something!!!!!
So my hopes are high (to get the whole marker off my body) and to be (slightly) recovered tomorrow.
love, yours ready to explode