Hallo Friday to everyone! Here in Berlin slowly the De-Shut starts, but no worries I will ejaculate the month full!!!! I mean first of all still Eye-Shutdown, second theatres, clubs, bars and pools are still closed so yeah kind of a “Shut Down” still for me. But NO worries, I am more than confident that in June there will be a (new) surprise!! But let’s get back to ejaculating-B&M-thoughts. 


For me this week is circling around Body and I am fascinated by the transformation, so Mind gives body the space. I was thinking a lot about the disconnection between Body and Mind. And fuck yeah, I am such a Pro in that. I learned from a very early age on, on how to completely disconnect from my body. It is connected to pain, fear, abuse, in short: Body and Mind Attacks. So what to do? My way of cooping was entering different spaces. I can leave my body and enter a different mind set. Then I am at a beach, diving underwater, you name it. So yesternight Body and Mind (B and M) had a dialogue I will share:


M: What’s going on?

B: What do you mean?

M: Why are you working so hard against me? 

B: I am scared. 

M: Why?

B: Because you don’t listen to me.

M: But I do.

B: No you overstep my boundaries, so very often. I mean I don't want to go down the whole road, but just look at last year, hm?

M: Yeah I know, but as you know maniac phases babe. And then I just need little sleep, have little needs, little capacity to listen to you.  And also I know you like that I push your boundaries. 

B: Sure I do, and I give you that, I mean, I am in with you.  But Babe there is a price to pay, if you don’t listen when I say stop I have to take action.

M: Hm, but I mean you crashed and recovered for so many months after that, and rested, no?

B: Ha, because I made you do that, and honestly you fought so hard against me, and I barely got a month in total and you get what? 9-11? That’s not fair, is it?

M: …

B: See. And I show you before it’s too much. I shout: Stop, take care of me, listen to me. In short love me.

M: Hey! We are in this together so please not so many accusations.

B: Yeah we are. 

M: And I do love you but you know sometimes I can’t connect to you. You know I learned to  disconnect from you. 

B: Yes we both did, and that is OK, BUT together we are beating it. And I do see that you worked and still work so hard on loving, seeing and feeling me.  

M: Yes, and I know you deserve care. 

B: Thanks for acknowledging that. I mean babe, look at our journey, together we got pleasure and hope back.

M: Yeah, you are right! Actually we are a good team.

B: :) !

M: But now?!

B: Babe!!!!! 

M: Fair. BUT can we go back to the high energy??????

B: Stop it!! I told you, you can’t get constant 200percent!

M: Hm.

B: Also I am tired.

M: Can’t sleep.

B: Let’s do this together. Okay?

M: Breathing, no?

B: Right and love!!!!

M: Got it. Buuuut,  please can we be good tomorrow? Fully recovered?

B: We will, soon, but give me time, kay? Please.

M: Hm.. Na gut. I understand I only get the ups with the downs. 

B: ! …We are in this together. 

M: You are right. Good night.

B: To you too. Let’s meet in an explosive-wet-dream!

M: Sounds good! I see you there. 


And together they fell asleep.



Now while writing I ask myself about my B&M connected to BDSM, I will meditate on that a bit but will for sure get back to you on that. 


For now, take good care and have sweet-wet dreams.

x, hanna