2019-2020, C-Prints, Text
OH BABE WHAT HAPPENED (TO YOU)
WHAT HAPPENED (TO US)
TRAPPED (IN A ROUTINE)
You cry (fall asleep in my arms)
You cry (i have never been so open with anyone)
You cry (you allow me to be)
It’s funny life can change so quickly (you say)
And then you cut (cut me out)
Babe, yes it’s funny (PARALYZED)
We were color (me orange, you green)
I am blue (you become black)
ON THE EDGE
(I cry) An ocean of tears
(I feel) An ocean of fears
A spectrum of colors, glitter and pride
It had to end to begin?!
without anything to numb (you?!)
anything to numb (us?!)
I WANT TO FUCK YOU (HARD) I WANT TO BE FUCKED BY YOU (HARDER) DOMINATE ME I WANT TO BE A SUB (FOR TONIGHT) FUCK ME (HARDER) SLAP ME HOLD ME KISS ME BE AS CLOSE AS YOU CAN BE MELT WITH ME CHOKE ME SWITCH I SPIT ON YOU CHOKE YOU SLAP YOU BEND YOU OVER SHE SAYS FUCK ME BABY (HARDER) FUCK ME BABY (FROM BEHIND) SWITCH FUCK ME BABY (HARDER) FUCK ME BABY (FROM BEHIND) CUM WITH ME
IT'S OKAY SWEETY IT'S GOING TO BE OK
Your soul arrived
Dein Körper in Einzelteile zerlegt (disassembled)
BLUT WASSER FETT KNOCHEN (hormone)
KÖRPER (without emotions)
(zu viel) EMOTION
emotionally dead OBSESSED
I could feel, can feel (something coming)
a distance in between (you and me)
counting the seconds, down to
fear and rejection transform into anger and rage
after coke and booze
I wake up (next to her) nothing from you, I cry (silently)
wake her up and fuck her
you were like, it was like probably not even 3% of my life
but it was enough to change (absolutely everything)
Don’t be a stranger (No, I won’t be) and then she leaves
Safety : Insecurity 0:1
Holding on (to an Illusion?)
Don’t push me away (when you feel rejected) 1:1
We have all the time in the world
Show everyone what a Babe you are
I take her into the Darkroom, take her in the Darkroom
Fist her (she comes) take her home
and cum while (you) let her fuck you
I needed to hear that you want me, that you are excited to be back and see me again. (silence)
I love you and want to be with you (you say)
I want to sleep and be alone (wait, what? )
I feel emotionally dead (you say)
thanks for the good times we had (Fuck You)
I changed (what happened ?!)
Life (?!, stop wanting to feel, stop feeling emotions isn’t that to feel dead?!)
Sometimes love is not enough (you say)
This moment when you understand, fear and Ego beats love.
Self-improvement to become whole? (again) become better selfs?!
Should we run? Should we try and stay? Should we let things be?
Feeling (everything) The salt of the tears, the laughter over fears
The wound open (again) the blood flows like an endless river.
A gaping wound of shredded flesh and shattered bone.
Running against a wall. Over and over. Waking, missing, crying. The turkey cold.
It’s physical, radical, this desire, this burning just to be loved.
Letting go of whatever I am grasping, whatever keeps me from rising or falling.
Caught between order and chaos. The fire reaches out, I swallow, try to swim out of it and dive into complete darkness.
Is it getting worse or just uncovered? The nakedness calls for a new desire.
A moment of reflection, releasing and understanding that we can choose what we desire.
Emerging into a future where connection is based on longing and need. Where there is no shame.
Where the love we need is not too much, we are not too much.
I wish for intimacy. For a place where we act out as our true selves.
Where we share our deepest scars and fears. Where we choose love.